"I would always be the kid that got in trouble in school, that's for sure, for joking around."
"I used to be a real prince charming if I went on a date with a girl. But then I'd get to where I was likely to have a stroke from the stress of keeping up my act. I've since learned the key to a good date is to pay attention to her."
"'The Whole Nine Yards' I liked right away. It was kind of a dark comedy at first. And just the idea of being in a movie with Bruce Willis was pretty exciting."
"Like, my house has a nice view because, you know, I was on 'Friends.'"
"To me, writing is remembering something funny that happened, or maybe something I said seven years ago."
"I need a woman to have a quirky sense of humor. There's a bunch of jokes I use, and if she doesn't get them, she's probably not for me."
"I have what I like to call a 'chinneck.' My chin just flows rather easily into my neck."
"My favorite six words in recovery are: trust God, clean house, and help others."
"There are two ways to go when you hit that crossroads in your life: There is the bad way, when you sort of give up, and then there is the really hard way, when you fight back. I went the hard way and came out of it okay. Now, I'm sitting here and doing great."
"I was a very good tennis player in Ottawa, Canada - nationally ranked when I was, like, 13. Then I moved to Los Angeles when I was 15, and everyone in L.A. just killed me. I was pretty great in Canada. Not so much in Los Angeles."